Monday, February 28, 2011

Season Recap - 2010 St. Louis Rams

Final Record: 7-9
Finished: 2nd Place in the NFC West
2011 Draft Position: 14th


Preseason Ranking:   32
Preseason Letter of Misfortune:

Welcome to the NFL, Mr. Bradford. It’s all fun and games until the Williams Wall smashes into you. The number one overall pick in the 2010 draft, Sam Bradford, finds himself at the center of St. Louis’ rebuilding efforts. Like all former #1 overall picks, he has the potential to steer the Rams away from the disastrous losses they have experienced over the last few seasons, but even an experienced, proven quarterback would have a hard time getting St. Louis to even four wins in 2010. The Rams once again find themselves in the bottom of the NFC barrel. Even Detroit can claim more potential this season than St. Louis, and they went an NFL record 0-for-16 in 2008 and only managed a pair of wins in 2009.

The Vikings buried the Rams in their opening preseason game. Most of the Vikings starters left after the first handful of plays and still the Rams were outgained in yardage, 414-150. Gaining a total of 150 yards in any game, let alone a preseason game, is a recipe for disaster. Add one lost fumble and six sacks to the paltry offense (no interceptions a plus!) and you can easily understand why St. Louis has only managed a 6-42 record over the last three seasons. By comparison, Detroit, including their 0-16 campaign of 2008, has gone 9-39 during the same three year stretch.

I see little changing for St. Louis this season. At best, if Bradford truly emerges as a superstar and follows in the footsteps of the recent rookie success of Sanchez, Ryan and Flacco, the Rams will manage six wins. At worst, they will be lucky to get three wins. Even the other cellar-dwellers on their schedule – Oakland, Detroit, Tampa Bay and Kansas City (the only one of the four making a trip to the Edward Jones Dome) - will prove to be difficult matchups for this downtrodden franchise.

The Rams are rebuilding. Unfortunately, it will be a long and tumultuous road to recovery.


Week 1: Lost to Arizona Cardinals, 17-13
Ranked – 32
Run the ball, St. Louis! If you constantly stop the clock and allow your opponents time to score, you'll never improve in the rankings.


Week 2: Lost at Oakland Raiders, 16-14
Ranked – 32
It's always tough to lose a heart-breaker on the road. It's even more difficult when you lose a game to the Oakland Raiders led by a back-up quarterback.


Week 3: Defeated the Washington Redskins, 30-16
Ranked – 27
Sam Bradford shows definite promise as the quarterback of the future, but the Rams will have to beat more teams than just the Redskins before they can truly start to climb out of the ranks of the Forked Few.


Week 4: Defeated the Seattle Seahawks, 20-3
Ranked – 25
Two wins in a row! Rams at .500! Grab the wife and kids and run to the hills. The end is near. With a game against Detroit next week, three straight wins seems more realistic than ever.


Week 5: Lost at Detroit Lions, 44-6
Ranked – 28
The world didn't end with a third straight Rams victory, but did the football gods have to be so viciously decisive in keeping St. Louis from the win?


Week 6: Defeated the San Diego Chargers, 20-17
Ranked – 22
Now that's how you rebound from a humiliating road loss.


Week 7: Lost at Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 18-17
Ranked – 24
Good teams don't let 14 point leads slip away from them.


Week 8: Defeated the Carolina Panthers, 20-10
Ranked – 18
Any win for the Rams is a good win.


Week 9: BYE WEEK
Ranked – 18
The NFC West is theirs to lose, but Bradford and Company will not let it slip easily from their grasp.  


Week 10: Lost at San Francisco 49ers, 23-20
Ranked – 20
The Rams are still in the hunt for the division title, but they won't get there if they can never get to that elusive one game above .500.


Week 11: Lost to Atlanta Falcons, 34-17
Ranked – 24
There's no shame in losing to one of the best teams in the league, but the dream of finishing the season with a winning record keeps getting further and further away.


Week 12: Defeated the Denver Broncos, 36-33
Ranked – 18
Bradford has the Rams looking like the team to beat in the NFC West, which is funny, because most teams outside of the NFL's Western divisions have beaten them.


Week 13: Defeated the Arizona Cardinals, 19-6
Ranked – 14 (ROCKY WEEK!)
           
Reporter: Sam, your pay for your first season in the NFL is very substantial. What will you do with the money? 
         
Sam Bradford: Well, the first thing I gotta do is I gotta pay the rent. And then I made this list on the way over here. I'd like to buy a couple hats, a motorcycle, a couple quarts of perfume for my girlfriend, she likes to smell good. And some muppet toys... you know, Ernie, Big Bird. And the frog, what's his name? Kermit? And I thought maybe a statue for the church, and a snow cone machine for Steven Jackson. You like snow cones, right? 
         
Reporter: Sam, do you have something derogatory to say about your opponent this weekend, the defending champ, Drew Brees?
         
Sam Bradford: Derogatory? Yeah, he's great.


Week 14: Lost at New Orleans Saints, 31-13
Ranked – 17
The best team in the NFC West... if you allow that the NFC West has actual football teams.


Week 15: Lost to Kansas City Chiefs, 27-13
Ranked – 19
Though it is too strong of a word to call the Rams the "best" team in a division that is two games underwater, they are still the team to beat in the West.


Week 16: Defeated the San Francisco 49ers, 25-17
Ranked – 14
Please, please, please, St. Louis. Beat Seattle and Sunday night. Sure, an 8-8 division champion isn't all that great, but it certainly would be better than the 7-9 Seahawks going into the playoffs.


Week 17: Lost at Seattle Seahawks, 16-6
Final Rank - 19


Tomorrow, the 2010 Miami Dolphins…

Friday, February 25, 2011

Season Recap - 2010 Detroit Lions

Final Record: 6-10
Finished: 3rd Place in the NFC North
2011 Draft Position: 13th


Preseason Ranking:   30
Preseason Letter of Misfortune:

When you've only managed to win nine games during the past three seasons, including an NFL record 0-16 run in 2008, it is hard to find something to be positive about. The long-time NFC North cellar dwellers have had little to smile about while the league has celebrated the Minnesota Vikings and their quarterback drama, the Green Bay Packers emergence as an elite team and even the Chicago Bears and their "will they be good or won't they" discussions.

For Detroit, the answer has recently been "they won't" and the Lions have done precious little to deny the arguments against them. 2010 shapes up as another difficult year for the Lions. Not only do they have six division games against strong opponents who love to kick them when they are down, they also have to play four games against the AFC East, another strong division. In those ten games, the Lions will be lucky to win two, despite the improvements to their defense and the increasing maturity of Mathew Stafford at quarterback.

The remaining six games of their schedule don't get any easier as they are matched up against the NFC East. Though not as strong as it has been in recent years, all the teams in the NFC East will give the Lions fits. Detroit rounds out their schedule with games against recent powerhouses St. Louis and Tampa Bay. Finally a bit of a breather for them.

All signs point to another dismal year in Detroit. But, hey, at least their uniforms look nice and they don't have to play outside when another bitter, Michigan winter hits town.


Week 1: Lost at Chicago Bears, 19-14
Ranked – 31
So close to a promising start to the season, but a "process" call and a shoulder injury short-circuit a season already on life support before any games were played.


Week 2: Lost to Philadelphia Eagles, 35-32
Ranked – 31
Two weeks, two losses, two almost wins. Don't almost win next week. WIN! I know it's a radical concept for the Lions, but Minnesota is ripe for the taking.


Week 3: Lost at Minnesota Vikings, 24-10
Ranked – 32
Against Chicago and Philadelphia you looked like you were so close to breaking through, but you laid an egg against Minnesota - a division rival you have typically played well against. Your ineptness on Sunday coupled with St. Louis' ability to win a game lands you in the Creative Misfortune cellar.


Week 4: Lost at Green Bay Packers, 28-26
Ranked – 32
Another tough division loss spells certain doom for the 2010 season. With 12 games left to play, Detroit's goal should be to get to the six win mark. At this point, it would have taken less time to rebuild Rome than to rebuild the Lions of the Millen era.


Week 5: Defeated the St. Louis Rams, 44-6
Ranked – 27
So this is what it feels like to win a game?


Week 6: Lost at New York Giants, 28-20
Ranked – 28
Too bad you can't play the Rams at home every week.


Week 7: BYE WEEK
Ranked – 29
Out of the bye week they face the surging Redskins.


Week 8: Defeated the Washington Redskins, 37-25
Ranked – 22
Detroit's playing well enough they actually might be worth watching on Thanksgiving for a change. They certainly have more going for them than the Cowboys at this point.


Week 9: Lost to New York Jets, 23-20
Ranked – 24
Despite the injuries and the heartbreaking, overtime loss, Detroit is showing no signs of quitting in 2010, by far their most successful campaign in recent memory. If only Suh could kick as well as he can tackle...


Week 10: Lost at Buffalo Bills, 14-12
Ranked – 31
The Lions will never arrive if they can't beat winless teams on the road.


Week 11: Lost at Dallas Cowboys, 35-19
Ranked – 29
One of these weeks Detroit will put it all together and actually win a game on the road. Even at 2-8 this is a much improved team.


Week 12: Lost to New England Patriots, 45-24
Ranked – 28
Another year, another Turkey Day drubbing. One of these days Detroit won't get crushed at home... or on the road... or when they play another NFL team...


Week 13: Lost to Chicago Bears, 24-20
Ranked – 28 (ROCKY WEEK!)

Well, ya see, Commissioner, we understand you're lookin' for sparrin' partners for the Green Bay Packers and we just want to let you know that we are very available.


Week 14: Defeated the Green Bay Packers, 7-3
Ranked – 28
What an unexpected victory over the Green Bay Packers! And now, instead of talking about a 19 game losing streak to division opponents, the Lions can proudly proclaim their 1-19 record over the last 20 games.


Week 15: Defeated the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 23-20
Ranked – 23
            Is there any possible streak of futility the Lions can snap this week when they play the Miami Dolphins?


Week 16: Defeated the Miami Dolphins, 34-27
Ranked - 21
            The Lions on a three-game winning streak? That hasn't happened in like... ever.

Week 17: Defeated the Minnesota Vikings, 20-13
Ranked – 22


Next week, season recaps continue with the 2010 St. Louis Rams…

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Season Recap - 2010 Minnesota Vikings

Final Record: 6-10
Finished: 4th Place in the NFC North
2011 Draft Position: 12th


Preseason Ranking:   8
Preseason Letter of Misfortune:

To paraphrase a quote from Marion in Raiders of the Lost Ark, “I’ve learned to hate the Vikings in the last ten years.”

I won’t bother quoting from the rest of the line, because, frankly, that would be weird, but suffice it to say, my dislike of the Vikings has steadily grown over the decade I have lived here in the frozen north. When I first moved to Minnesota, the Vikings were a surprising team, going 15-1 en route to a colossal, heart-breaking collapse in the NFC Championship game. I felt bad for them. I really did.

As the years went by and the jaded optimism of the typical Vikings fan became more apparent, I started to hope for their team to struggle. When Favre first arrived in town in 2009 and the local media covered his trip to Winter Park (the Vikings training facility in Eden Prairie, Minnesota) like it was the O. J. Simpson van, it almost seemed cute to see a fan base so infatuated with a player. It was quite annoying this year when the same thing happened after Favre played the “I just don’t know” card until the Vikings upped his contract and sent the three musketeers down to Mississippi to get him.

I know I won’t get my wish for the Vikings to finish with a 3-13 record this year (they play the NFC East, so I’d love for them to beat the Giants, Eagles and Redskins). They are too good to be that woeful, but they will struggle this season. Favre is a year older, another year and an injury slower, and has almost no chance of duplicating the magic of last season. Adrian Peterson is the fumbling man at running back and without Chester Taylor to change things up, he will have to take on more of the load than he has in recent years.

The defense is great, but with the continuing suspension saga surrounding the Williams Wall, the Vikings D could find themselves trying to fill a gaping hole at their center. If the 49ers ability to run the ball on Sunday night is any indication of the Vikings run defense starting to fail, this could truly become a team that needs to win shoot-outs in order to be successful.

At least they’ll have a gunslinger at quarterback. They have that going for them.


Week 1: Lost at New Orleans Saints, 14-9
Ranked – 13
The magic may have left the building, because the timing and chemistry just doesn't seem to be there. Maybe Favre needs to practice after all. At least they still have Jackson waiting in the wings


Week 2: Lost to Miami Dolphins, 14-10
Ranked – 21
Age has finally caught up with the Chosen One. The defense should win games when they only allow 7 points, but missed opportunities and untimely miscues have doomed the Vikings before they even managed to get their walkers out.


Week 3: Defeated the Detroit Lions, 24-10
Ranked – 18
Yay! You beat Detroit! We're happy for ya.


Week 4: BYE WEEK
Ranked – 21
Moss coming back to town to help out a decimated receiving corps? I can't wait to see Favre throw interceptions 50 yards downfield now instead of the 20 yards he's been throwing to the likes of Baskett, Harvin and Lewis.


Week 5: Lost at New York Jets, 29-20
Ranked – 21
Favre to Moss for #500. That's about all that can be said in a positive manner about the Vikings. Don't bother to mention Favre's harassment scandal, his two fumbles or the pick-6 that ended the game in New York's favor.


Week 6: Defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 24-21
Ranked – 21
Special teams and defense once again get the Vikings the win. Favre is just going through the motions and Moss so far has had very little impact.


Week 7: Lost at Green Bay Packers, 28-24
Ranked – 22
Age, broken wheels and poor decisions - by both the quarterback and the coach - have all but doomed the Vikings.


Week 8: Lost at New England Patriots, 28-18
Ranked – 24
I'm beginning to think Chili suddenly realized he is not in charge of this team. Panic seeps from his every pore. Instead of battening down the hatches and guiding the ship to safer waters as great leaders would, he's chuckin' everybody overboard so he can finally, clearly, be recognized as the true captain on a sinking ship.


Week 9: Defeated the Arizona Cardinals, 27-24
Ranked – 23
Ha, Ha! Childress remains your coach for at least one more week.


Week 10: Lost at Chicago Bears, 27-13
Ranked – 26
The season's over. I say fire Brad Childress now and make Brett Favre the offensive coordinator. I mean, seriously, how much worse could it be?

Favre kneels down in the huddle. "Ok, Harvin, you be the bottle cap."
           
"I don't wanna be the bottle cap."
          
 "Well, what do you want to be?"
           
 "The piece of glass."
           
 "Ok. Intercepted deep pass on three. Ready? BREAK!"


Week 11: Lost to Green Bay Packers, 31-3
Ranked – 26
Great news! The Vikings are still undefeated in the interim Leslie Frazier era. Bad news. The Vikings have difficulty playing out of doors on the road and their next game is back east in Washington. Good news. The Redskins aren't that great. Bad news. They aren't bad, either.


Week 12: Defeated the Washington Redskins, 17-13
Ranked – 23
That's how you win games with Brett Favre these days- turn him into a "Game Manager" and make him run naked bootlegs to the defense's complete dismay.


Week 13: Defeated the Buffalo Bills, 38-14
Ranked - 24  (ROCKY WEEK!)

            Brett Favre, explaining why he came back for the miserable 2010 campaign: We always have to be in the middle of the action 'cause we're the warriors. And without some challenge, without some damn war to fight then the warriors might as well be dead. Now I'm asking you - as my fans - stand by my side this one last time. You know, it's too bad we gotta get old, huh?

Disillusioned Vikings Fan: Ah, just keep throwing interceptions, Brett...


Week 14: Lost to New York Giants, 21-3
Ranked – 25
Well, Brett, it was fun while it lasted. Now the Vikings have to turn to Tarvaris Jackson, who single-handedly took out Adrian Peterson on a hand-off. It's usually not a good sign for your future, Tarvaris, when the announcers spend 10 minutes talking about all the available college quarterbacks coming out in the draft.


Week 15: Lost to Chicago Bears, 40-14
Ranked – 22
Joe Webb may be the future... if the Vikings open the 2011 season running the veer option offense.


Week 16: Defeated the Philadelphia Eagles, 24-14
Ranked – 22
One more game until the nightmare season ends, but at least the 2011 search for a quarterback has gained some positivity. Joe Webb looked quite impressive against Philadelphia. And as far as Favre- will he or won't he? Oh, please, just go away already.


Week 17: Lost at Detroit Lions, 20-13
Final Rank – 26


Tomorrow, the 2010 Detroit Lions…

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Season Recap - 2010 Houston Texans

Final Record: 6-10
Finished: 3rd Place in the AFC South
2011 Draft Position: 11th


Preseason Ranking:   12
Preseason Letter of Misfortune:

When I first opened my brand-new copy of “Madden 2003” back in, funny enough, 2003, I knew the Texans were the team for me. Why not choose to play my favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys, instead? Because the Texans were the newest expansion team in the league, and played the 2002 season like they were an expansion team, going 4-12. In the 2003 Madden game, the Texans, unlike the Dallas Cowboys or any other team, had no history, no losses – only potential. Seizing upon that potential, they became my franchise. David Carr became my franchise quarterback and the NFL became my virtual playground.

Now, seven years later, let’s just say the virtual Texans on my XBOX have far exceeded the abilities of the real Houston franchise. Although the Texans have yet to make the playoffs in real life, my virtual Texans are multiple Super Bowl champions. David Carr is a Hall of Fame quarterback and will not be backing up anybody on a different team anytime soon. Unfortunately, like with all sports video games, the reality of the real franchise can’t compare to the virtual success of my pixelated franchise. But there is hope. There is potential. There are playmakers on the real Houston Texans team this year.

I have never known a team to be named “the sleeper to make the playoffs" for as many years as the Texans have been picked only for them never to make the playoffs. That changes this year. With Schaub on a tear, the defense improving and Andre Johnson’s new contract, the Texans will make the playoffs as a wild-card, finishing second in the AFC South behind Indianapolis. Their running game missed a step in 2009 and will need to re-establish its form in order for Houston to truly make the playoffs, but if there ever was a team due to break through, this is the team.

They are practicing hard, over-practicing in some cases (though it hardly seems possible), and have a fairly easy schedule. Only Indianapolis (I was so happy when Manning retired in my virtual world), Dallas, San Diego and the New York Jets loom as threats for them. Even if they lose those five games (which they won’t), they still have a decent shot to finish 11-5 and finally have the break-out season everybody keeps predicting for them.

When they open the season at home against Indianapolis, Houston can take their first step to achieving their as-of-yet untapped potential.

Week 1: Defeated the Indianapolis Colts, 34-24
Ranked – 5
Baby step, learn to beat Manning and the Colts.

Week 2: Defeated the Washington Redskins, 30-27
Ranked – 3
Undefeated after the two most impressive franchise victories to date. With Dallas coming to town next week, 3-0 is by no means out of the question.


Week 3: Lost to Dallas Cowboys, 27-13
Ranked – 14
Everything was going your way; you just overlooked the other team from Texas and couldn't muster the same motivation you had when Indianapolis came to visit. If you want to take that elusive step forward this year, you can't lose games like this at home.


Week 4: Defeated the Oakland Raiders, 31-24
Ranked – 10
I guess Mr. Foster does his best running AFTER halftime. Still, I think Coach Kubiak hates fantasy football.


Week 5: Lost to New York Giants, 34-10
Ranked – 16
New plan - play all Texan games on the road. After two straight home losses, Reliant Stadium becoming a house of horrors... and just in time for Halloween.


Week 6: Defeated the Kansas City Chiefs, 35-31
Ranked – 11
The Texans rally for a win and may just have saved their season.


Week 7: BYE WEEK
Ranked – 8
Idly preparing to face the Colts.


Week 8: Lost at Indianapolis Colts, 30-17
Ranked – 13
In a statement game, the Colts reminded everybody that they still own the Texans. 


Week 9: Lost to San Diego Chargers, 29-23
Ranked – 16
If you can't win at home, you have no business being in the playoffs. The next three weeks will make or break the Texans. The Jaguars, Jets and Titans all stand ready to ruin Houston's season.


Week 10: Lost at Jacksonville Jaguars, 31-24
Ranked – 22
If you can get two hands on the ball, just catch it. At least knock it out of bounds. But don't do what you done did! That was terrible.


Week 11: Lost at New York Jets, 30-27
Ranked – 23
Rally back from a deficit just to lose in the final seconds once, shame on the other team. Rally back from a deficit just to lose in the final seconds twice, shame on you.


Week 12: Defeated the Tennessee Titans, 20-0
Ranked – 17
How much of an arse must Cortland Finnegan be to get that kind of pugilistic response out of Andre Johnson?


Week 13: Lost at Philadelphia Eagles, 34-24
Ranked – 23 (ROCKY WEEK!)
                  
            [Not pleased he has to face Baltimore with his job on the line and confused by Arian Foster's eagerness to face Ray Lewis and the Ravens D, Coach Kubiak strikes up a conversation with his star running back]
           
Coach Kubiak: What's the matter with you? Why do you wanna play these guys? Does anything normal go through your head?
           
Arian Foster: Nothing that I remember.

Coach Kubiak: They've got linebackers as big as dinosaurs. You ever fought a dinosaur, kid?

Arian Foster: Not lately.

Coach Kubiak: They can inflict a variety of damage!


Week 14: Lost to Baltimore Ravens, 34-28
Ranked – 22
And the Texans will be without a playoff spot once again.


Week 15: Lost at Tennessee Titans, 31-17
Ranked – 25
It's fine if you can't play defense, but you better be able to score some points.


Week 16: Lost at Denver Broncos, 24-23
Ranked – 25
No one can fault you for losing to the wonder that is Tim Tebow, but, seriously, double-digit losses this season was quite unacceptable.


Week 17: Defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars, 34-17
Final Rank - 21


Tomorrow, the 2010 Minnesota Vikings...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Season Recap - 2010 Washington Redskins

Final Record: 6-10
Finished: 4th Place in the NFC East
2011 Draft Position: 10th


Preseason Ranking:   29
Preseason Letter of Misfortune:

The Redskins. Old friends of the Dallas Cowboys. If my ideal season ends with the Cowboys winning the Super Bowl and the Eagles finishing 2-14, guess where they get those two victories? That’s right, over The Hogs or, more recently, The Piglets. As for Washington, well, you’d go 0-16 if I had my way.

Talk about a franchise in near total disarray. You trade with one of your bitter division rivals for their superstar quarterback during the offseason, hire a new coach with a proven Super Bowl track record (at least when Elway was on the field), and the most news about your team during training camp is that one of your disgruntled, underachieving defensive lineman can’t pass a conditioning test. And this was the story of the NFL until a little known quarterback in Mississippi allegedly sent a text message neither confirming nor denying his decision that he may or may not not think about returning to play another season.

For years you have been the doormats of the NFC East and I have loved it. I see little changing this year. Yes, you have a new quarterback, but how much does McNabb have in the tank when the running game in Washington has struggled with injuries of late and the receiving corps is half what he was used to in Philadelphia. Yes, you have a new coach with Super Bowl championships on his resume, but you’ve had that before over the last decade and how’d those seasons turn out for you?

As long as your owner continues to take such a pro-active role, you will continue to struggle. Jerry Jones has created his share of problems in Dallas over the years, but at least the team he has built is talented enough to overcome his meddling. Dan Snyder is a few years and a leisure suit away from becoming the Al Davis of the east coast. And that, my friends, would be a downward slide truly worth celebrating.


Week 1: Defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 13-7
Ranked – 14
The defense looks good, but the offense is still struggling to find its identity. Defeating Dallas on opening night just might be the catalyst this team needs to no longer have to answer questions about Albert Haynesworth.


Week 2: Lost to Houston Texans, 30-27
Ranked – 23
Washington, you have nothing to regret about Sunday's loss to the Texans except for having yakked up a 17-point lead with just over one quarter left to play. Shanahan has shown these Redskins not to be the pushovers of recent years, but it's still too early to tell if he can return them to their former glory.


Week 3: Lost at St. Louis Rams, 30-16
Ranked – 23
You'd think losing to the Rams would warrant a drop in the rankings, but with so many bad teams playing woeful football, I can't help but let Washington just sit here at #23 and think about what they have done.


Week 4: Defeated the Philadelphia Eagles, 17-12
Ranked – 20
The NFC East is all topsy-turvy now thanks to McNabb's pleasant, though statistically underwhelming, homecoming. The Redskins haven't reclaimed their glory of yesteryear, but they can no longer be counted among the dregs of the league, either.


Week 5: Defeated the Green Bay Packers, 16-13
Ranked – 14
The Redskins win ugly again and move into a first-place tie in the NFC East. McNabb looks old, but the defense is quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with.


Week 6: Lost to Indianapolis Colts, 27-24
Ranked – 15
The Redskins lose ground just a bit, but show they will be in every game they play after staying strong against the Indianapolis Colts for four quarters.


Week 7: Defeated the Chicago Bears, 17-14
Ranked – 16
The Redskins are above .500 for the first time in years and have a solid chance to improve to 5-3 when they travel to Detroit this week


Week 8: Lost at Detroit Lions, 37-25
Ranked – 23
It's one thing for a diva wide receiver to call out McNabb for being winded at the end of a game. It's quite another for a head coach to do the same.      


Week 9: BYE WEEK
Ranked – 19
Teetering on the brink, next week's game against Philadelphia could propel the Redskins two steps forward in the division race or send them into a nasty tailspin the likes of which only Dallas could appreciate. 


Week 10: Lost to Philadelphia Eagles, 59-28
Ranked – 25
Looks like Dan Snyder should have spent $80 million on defense instead of a beat-down quarterback whose tank is nearly running on empty.


Week 11: Defeated the Tennessee Titans, 19-16
Ranked – 16
I have no idea if this team is really good and underachieving or really bad and overachieving, so I'll just rank them here at 16 and let them decide. Shanahan will clear things up for us once we've completed our wind sprints and are back in shape enough to successfully run a two-minute drill without incident.


Week 12: Lost to Minnesota Vikings, 17-13
Ranked – 24
No running game, no passing game and a distinct inability to beat the struggling Vikings at home. Nope. Nothing wrong here.


Week 13: Lost at New York Giants, 31-7
Ranked - 26 (ROCKY WEEK!)

Coach Shanahan: You know what you are?
           
Albert Haynesworth: No, what?
           
Coach Shanahan: A tomato.
           
Albert Haynesworth: A tomato?

Coach Shanahan: Yeah, and I'm running a football team here, not a goddamn soup kitchen!


Week 14: Lost to Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 17-16
Ranked – 27
The season continues to fall apart for the Redskins. Following the horrible PAT hold at the close of the game against Tampa, Washington cut their punter-holder Hunter Smith. Whoops, the football slipped!


Week 15: Lost at Dallas Cowboys, 33-30
Ranked – 24
Rex Grossman, he's our man? He did help Chicago get to a Super Bowl a few years ago. Maybe the Redskins are on to something.


Week 16: Defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars, 20-17
Ranked – 15
Could Rex Grossman actually be the answer?


Week 17: Lost to New York Giants, 17-14
Final Rank - 24


Tomorrow, the 2010 Houston Texans…

Monday, February 21, 2011

Season Recap - 2010 Dallas Cowboys

Final Record: 6-10
Finished: 3rd Place in the NFC East
2011 Draft Position: 9th


Preseason Ranking:   6
Preseason Letter of Misfortune:

Pressure? What are you talking about? There is no pressure on my favorite team to perform at a high level this season. That's crazy talk!

Before we continue this Letter of Misfortune, let me be perfectly clear. Yes, the Dallas Cowboys are my favorite team, but not for the reasons you may think. I am not a fan of theirs because of the five Super Bowls they have won (though that doesn’t hurt my loyalty one bit). I cheer for them because of the two Super Bowls they lost in the 70’s to the Pittsburgh Steelers. My dad was a huge Steelers fan when I was growing up and when I learned Dallas was a big rival of Pittsburgh’s, I became a Cowboys fan just to annoy him. Since then, I have followed the ‘Boys through thick (three Super Bowl championships in the early 90’s) and thin (their dreadful 1-15 season Aikman’s rookie year, but hey, at least they beat Washington).

But I assure you I am not a “homer” fan for the Cowboys. They can do wrong, sometimes as much, if not more, than they do right. I laughed last year when Brandon Marshall weaved through half the Cowboys team on his way to a long touchdown. I found it hysterical when Sensabaugh had absolutely no idea Sydney Rice caught that pass in the divisional playoffs. Like a true fan, I watch them whether they are winning 35-7 or getting crushed by some fool singing “Pants on the Ground, 34-3. You have no idea how much I hate that video. This season, you will see me predict Dallas lose games, depending on their matchups. As with every other team that takes to the field on Sundays, I will both celebrate Dallas’ victories and make fun of their mistakes, because Creative Misfortune is a double-edged sword that tolerates no Homers. I love the Simpsons. But enough about me. On with the post…

Pressure? All their monkeys are off their back, right? Dallas won the division last year by crushing Philadelphia in dramatic fashion. They won their first playoff game in over a decade by crushing Philadelphia in dramatic fashion. Romo has become a star player. The three-headed running game is among the best in the league. The receiving corps is stacked, even with the near-dead weight of Roy Williams. The offensive line is solid. The defense is strong enough to stonewall the run, skilled enough to defend the pass and mean enough to knock opposing players out. Their kicking game might be a little shaky as they try and convert a kickoff specialist into a true field goal kicker, but this just means more opportunities for Romo and his offense to convert Fourth-and-shorts in opposition territory.

Picked as a favorite to win the Super Bowl by a large number of experts, they better win this year, if no other year. Jerry Jones managed to get Super Bowl XLV to be played in Dallas. Never before has the NFL so aggregiously flirted with home-field advantage in their championship game. Let's just say there was a reason the Super Bowl was played in New Orleans all those years during the Ain't's heyday. Yes, he will make money, regardless of who plays the game, but can you imagine how upset he'll be if the Cowboys are not playing in that game? I mean, all those years he has spent on the sideline learning to be a general manager and a coach would be completely wasted.

Can you imagine somebody other than Dallas playing on behalf of the NFC? Or worse, can you imagine Dallas winning home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, only to lose the NFC Championship game and not go to the Super Bowl? So can I.

And that’s what scares me.

HOW ‘BOUT DEM COWBOYS!


Week 1: Lost at Washington Redskins, 13-7
Ranked – 15
Words fail me. The Cowboys defense and a brilliant (until the last flag) final drive keep this team from plummeting even further after their inexcusable performance in Washington.


Week 2: Lost to Chicago Bears, 27-20
Ranked – 24
Seriously? Talk about being over-hyped. A trip to Houston will not make the season start any better. If desperation hasn't kicked in by now, it never will. If Dallas doesn't play Houston on Sunday like they played the Saints last season, 2010 could quickly become a wasted year.


Week 3: Defeated the Houston Texans, 27-13
Ranked – 21
Desperation and urgency lead to a solid road victory against the Texans, but has all the momentum already been lost by an early bye week? We'll find out in week 5 when the Titans come to town.


Week 4: BYE WEEK
Ranked – 22
The Cowboys survived the bye week with their coaching staff intact. I'm still undecided if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but a game at home against the struggling Titans should answer that question.


Week 5: Lost to Tennessee Titans, 34-27
Ranked – 22
There are no excuses for losing at home after a bye week. Now the Cowboys all but have to win in Minnesota to have any shot at a home-field Super Bowl.


Week 6: Lost at Minnesota Vikings, 24-21
Ranked – 25
Terrible, terrible coaching by the Dallas staff. How can you allow excessive celebration penalties when your team is below .500? I know, let's celebrate the Cowboys start by dropping their ranking a few more points.


Week 7: Lost to New York Giants, 41-35
Ranked – 28
As if the Cowboys season couldn't get any worse, Romo now out indefinitely with a broken clavicle and they sit a full 3 games back of everybody in their division in the win column.


Week 8: Lost to Jacksonville Jaguars, 35-17
Ranked – 32
The Cowboys have quit on their season. Plain and simple.


Week 9: Lost at Green Bay Packers, 45-7
Ranked – 31
When the best thing that can be said about the game on Sunday night is, "at least Green Bay kicked that one kick-off out of bounds", you know you have problems. Firing Wade Phillips was a good start to improving this team, but the Cowboys are playing for 2011. Their 2010 campaign has gone done in flames. 


Week 10: Defeated the New York Giants, 33-20
Ranked – 28
So, if you could play like that all along, why did you waste half the season?


Week 11: Defeated the Detroit Lions, 35-19
Ranked – 21
Finally. A victory in the billion dollar pleasure dome. Now all the Cowboys have to do is win out, get a lot of help and slide into the playoffs as a wild card. Or they can win just enough to screw up their 2011 draft picks.


Week 12: Lost to New Orleans Saints, 30-27
Ranked – 22
C'mon, Roy! Hold onto the football. All you had to do was fall down WITH THE BALL IN YOUR HANDS and Dallas is on a three-game winning streak. I wonder, where will you be playing next year?


Week 13: Defeated the Indianapolis Colts, 38-35
Ranked – 22 (ROCKY WEEK!)
           
Dallas Cowboys: We've been your favorite team for over thirty years, and all season you've been sticking it to us, and we wanna know how come! 

            Creative Misfortune: You don't wanna know!

            Dallas Cowboys: We wanna know how come!

            Creative Misfortune: Ya wanna know?

            Dallas Cowboys: WE WANNA KNOW! 

            Creative Misfortune: OK, I'm gonna tell ya! You had the talent to become Super Bowl champions, but instead of that, you quit on your fans and became some cheap, second rate franchise!

            Dallas Cowboys: It's a living.

            Creative Misfortune: IT'S A WASTE OF A FOOTBALL SEASON!


Week 14: Lost to Philadelphia Eagles, 30-27
Ranked – 23
A valiant effort, but just one more failure on this team's 2010 resume.


Week 15: Defeated the Washington Redskins, 33-30
Ranked – 21
The Cowboys do late-game collapses with style. Sure, they let their division rivals come storming back, but unlike the Giants, Dallas held on to win the game.


Week 16: Lost at Arizona Cardinals, 27-26
Ranked – 24
An extra point doinked off the upright? Yep. Pretty much sums up the entire Cowboy season.


Week 17: Defeated the Philadelphia Eagles, 14-13
Final Rank - 20


Tomorrow, my least favorite team, the 2010 Washington Redskins…