Season Recap - 2010 Cincinnati Bengals

Final Record: 4-12

Finished: 4^th place in the AFC North

2011 Draft Position: 4^th

Preseason Ranking:   24
Preseason Letter of Misfortune (by Scottie V):

Do you wonder if Carson Palmer ever just wakes up and thinks, “Why does my general manager hate me so much??” I’ve got a feeling Carson had one of those moments a few weeks ago when he found out that the much-traveled and habitual quarterback bus-thrower-underer Terrell Owens had signed with the Bengals. Yikes! On a team that loves its reality show-fodder athletes, I’m thinking Mr. Palmer could start his own show in the dangerous work genre: “The Deadliest Catch” and “Ice Road Truckers” would have nothing on Carson’s new show, “Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback”.

T.O. on his own is a handful, but the Bengals already have Chad Ochocinco. Double yikes!! As an Oregon State fan and alum, I still have fond memories of Chad (I still have a hard time with “Ochocinco”… he’ll always be “Johnson” to me) tearing up the Pac-10 and Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl. But, let’s be honest, to say that he is erratic is putting it nicely. I have visions of a whiteboard on the sidelines simply dedicated to tallying how many times each of these receivers has been thrown to. Or worse yet, since these two fellas claim to be buddies, what if they team up and pour their collective discontent on the noble Carson? On the defensive side of the ball, the Bengals also brought in hardened criminal and occasional football player Adam “Pacman” Jones in the off-season to strengthen their rap sheet - I mean, roster sheet. As a middle-of-the-road team in the AFC, it could get ugly in Cincy.

But enough about football drama, let’s talk about the reality shows. Amazingly, Chad and T.O. each have their own shows. Simply awesome. To borrow a quote from Jerry Seinfeld, “I’m pretty sure that reality is the last thing these guys are qualified to give us a show about.” I must admit that I have never seen T.O.’s “T.O. Show”. I don’t think I would be a better person for having watched it. I have seen approximately 15 broken-up minutes-worth (how could anyone watch for 15 consecutive minutes??) of Chad’s “Ultimate Catch” show. The experience left me feeling very unclean and pretty certain the only thing Mr. Ochocinco may ultimately catch is a raging case of syphilis. If Chad can’t find love, what hope is there for the rest of us??

Prediction: If ever there was a roster fit for a “Wildcard” spot, it is this team. But 3rd place in the AFC North ain’t going to get it done. On the bright side, guys can get an early start on the next season of their shows.

Bonus prediction: Neither T.O. nor Chad will be Bengals in the 2011 season. The character pendulum will swing drastically from “crazy” to “Tebow”.

Week 1: Lost at New England Patriots, 38-24

Ranked - 24

            One of the few teams whose ranking neither went up nor down. Good news, you were expected to be here. Bad news, here is no place you want to be.

Week 2: Defeated the Baltimore Ravens, 15-10

Ranked – 18

Batman and Robin hardly stellar, but the Bengals Defense carried the day and helped Cincinnati move up a bit in the rankings.

Week 3: Defeated the Carolina Panthers, 20-7

Ranked – 13

In the rain, it's difficult to throw the ball, but at least the running game and the defense rose to the occasion against a struggling foe. Win on the road in Cleveland next week and you might almost be considered among the Fortunate Seven after three straight wins.

Week 4: Lost at Cleveland Browns, 23-20

Ranked – 15

Losing to Cleveland, even in Cleveland, is never a good way to try and take a big step forward in the division.

Week 5: Lost to Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 24-21

Ranked – 26

More disappointment at home for the Bengals. Games lost like this have cost teams their seasons. Will Batman and Robin be able to lead this team back from the brink? 

Week 6: BYE WEEK

Ranked – 23

A bye week without any arrests. Maybe the Bengals have finally started to show signs of discipline.

Week 7: Lost at Atlanta Falcons, 39-32

Ranked – 23

The Bengals do just enough to keep themselves relevant, but not enough to actually be victorious.

Week 8: Lost to Miami Dolphins, 22-14

Ranked – 25

At 2-5, I say go ahead and pick up another ego-centric wide receiver. What the Bengals would lose in credibility they'd make up in ticket sales. 

Week 9: Lost to Pittsburgh Steelers, 27-21

Ranked – 25

2-6 in the AFC North is far different from being 2-6 in the NFC's wild, wild West. Despite the late rally, Cincinnati's season died on Monday night unless the T.Ocho show can somehow perform a miracle.

Week 10: Lost at Indianapolis Colts, 23-17

Ranked – 29

As a garbage time fantasy team, this offense is nigh unstoppable!

Week 11: Lost to Buffalo Bills, 49-31

Ranked – 31

An absolutely horrendous performance at home against the Buffalo Bills. When people think of offensive explosions, the Bills don't often come to mind, but Cincinnati made the perennial chumps of the AFC East look like champions.

Week 12: Lost at New York Jets, 26-10

Ranked – 31

If there is one thing you can say about Cincinnati's woeful record - it's anything but average. Maybe the T.Ocho Show should do some investigative reporting on why their team is so terrible.

Week 13: Lost to New Orleans Saints, 34-30

Ranked – 29 (ROCKY WEEK!)

Chad Ochocinco vs Troy Polamalu. Sounds like a damn monster movie!

Week 14: Lost at Pittsburgh Steelers, 23-7

Ranked – 30

Are these Bengals the worst ever Bungles team to take the field, despite the aging offensive firepower at their disposal? Quite possibly, especially since the receivers can't throw the ball to themselves and the quarterback can't block the defensive linemen himself and the offense can't stop the opposing teams from scoring so many points...

Week 15: Defeated the Cleveland Browns, 19-17

Ranked – 29

Owens is done for the year and Ochocinco is being limited to allow younger wide receivers a chance to shine.

Week 16: Defeated the San Diego Chargers, 34-20

Ranked – 29

Funny how when Ochocinco and Owens aren't in the lineup, Carson Palmer can play loose and go off for four touchdowns. Really makes you think, doesn't it?

Week 17: Lost at Baltimore Ravens, 13-7

Final Rank - 30

Tomorrow, the 2010 Arizona Cardinals...