Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Creative Misfortune Power Rankings - Week 1

Creative Misfortune Power Rankings are based on a complicated formula that takes into account, among other things, a team's projected ability to score an Offensive Fumble Recovery TD. All power rankings guaranteed to be less accurate than real NFL team abilities on any given Sunday and are subject to change on a weekly basis. If your team’s ranking remains unchanged for 4 hours or more, please consult with your doctor, as serious side effects may occur.

When it comes to Creative Misfortune Power Rankings, winning isn't the only thing, but it is the most important component of the rating. I don't believe teams can be powerful if they consistently lose, even to other great teams.

The Forked Few ~
     Abandon hope and fortune all ye who rank here
    
     # 32 - St. Louis Rams (previous: 32)
                     Run the ball, St. Louis! If you constantly stop the clock and allow your opponents time to score, you'll never improve in the rankings.

     # 31 - Detroit Lions (previous: 30)
                     So close to a promising start to the season, but a "process" call and a shoulder injury short-circuit a season already on life support before any games were played.

     # 30 - Oakland Raiders (previous: 27)
                     Don't sleep too long, oh lauded Sleeper pick, otherwise you will never wake up. Do you really want to be like Al Davis incarnate?

     # 29 - Cleveland Browns (previous: 28)
                     Can't even beat Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay!

     # 28 - Buffalo Bills (previous: 21)
                     A safety gains you what in that situation, exactly? You know it's legal to fair catch kick-offs, right? Even for the Bills this was a head scratcher.


The Creatively Challenged ~
     Folly remains ever their mistress
    
     # 27 - San Francisco 49ers (previous: 10)
                     Ouch.

     # 26 - Carolina Panthers (previous: 14)
                     The Cardiac Cats had a chance in this one before they let it slip away in the second half. As such, their ranking slips as well.

     # 25 - Denver Broncos (previous: 19)
                     Power running with the football once in a while, particularly in the red zone, might help you out since Orten, not Elway, is behind center.

     # 24 - Cincinnati Bengals (previous: 24)
                     One of the few teams whose ranking neither went up nor down. Good news, you were expected to be here. Bad news, here is no place you want to be.

     # 23 - Atlanta Falcons (previous: 11)
                     Losing a tough one on the road in overtime hurts, but Dirty Birds can still rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of this opening weekend loss and reclaim their rightful spot among the elite.

     # 22 - Philadelphia Eagles (previous: 16)
                     A loss to Green Bay for the first time in decades and a new quarterback controversy to boot. It would be fun to be a Philadelphia Sports Talk guy this week.

     # 21 - San Diego Chargers (previous: 1)
                     Once mighty, a plummet through the Misfortune ranks might just be the wake up call you need. At least you're not the only team to dominate their opponent this week only to lose the game on mental mistakes and miscues.


The Remarkably Average ~
     Dancing the fine line between misfortune and glory
    
     # 20 - Tampa Bay Buccaneers (previous: 31)
                    This ranking probably won't last once you square off against teams better than Cleveland, but for one week enjoy being listed among the Remarkably Average. You've earned it.

     # 19 - Kansas City Chiefs (previous: 26)
                    LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE GUYS RUN! Not only were your special teams outstanding last night, but the vaunted Chiefs defense kept San Diego out of the end zone when it mattered most. The football gods even blessed your game with adverse weather. Always a plus when a sunny-weather team like San Diego comes to town.

     # 18 - Seattle Seahawks (previous: 15)
                     One of the few winning teams to fall a bit in the rankings this week. Sure you won big, but San Francisco may not be the team everybody thought they were. For now, stay here and tread water. Seahawks like that kind of thing.

     # 17 - New York Jets (previous: 2)
                     Defense alone keeps you even rated this high. If your defense was not among the elite, you might have found yourself falling from #2 all the way into the Forked Few. 60 passing yards compared to 125 penalty yards. Dink and dunk doesn't work on 3rd & 20.

     # 16 - Indianapolis Colts (previous: 4)
                      Uh oh. Looks like the Texans learned how to knock the blue and white monkey off their back.

     # 15 - Dallas Cowboys (previous: 6)
                      Words fail me. Cowboys defense and a brilliant (until the last flag) final drive keep this team from plummeting even further after their inexcusable performance in Washington.

     # 14 - Washington Redskins (previous: 29)
                      The defense looks good, but the offense is still struggling to find its identity. Defeating Dallas on opening night just might be the catalyst this team needs to no longer have to answer questions about Albert Haynesworth.

     # 13 - Minnesota Vikings (previous: 8)
                     The magic may have left the building, because the timing and chemistry just doesn't seem to be there. Maybe Favre needs to practice after all. At least they still have Jackson waiting in the wings.


The Fortunate Seven ~
     The best of those not yet elite
    
     # 12 - Jacksonville Jaguars (previous: 25)
                      The Jaguars are 1-0 in games delayed by lightning this season. I don't know what that means, but it definitely bodes well for the rest of the season.

     # 11 - Chicago Bears (previous: 23)
                      Only a Cutler-led Mike Martz offense could outgain a team by so much and still have so little to show for it. Wheel patterns aside, this team needs to improve if it hopes to stay high in the rankings.

     # 10 - Miami Dolphins (previous: 18)
                      Traveling to Minnesota while the Vikings are still injured and rusty may help the Dolphins start 2-0 on the road. 


       # 9 - New York Giants (previous: 20)
                      Manning flicks the ball to Nicks for the hat-trick. In a battle of Steve Smiths, Hakeem steals the show.

       # 8 - Tennessee Titans (previous: 22)
                      Raiders at home to start the season? Nothing like having an extra pre-season game to fine tune the offense.

       # 7 - Pittsburgh Steelers (previous: 13)
                      Head and shoulders above the Falcons.

       # 6 - Arizona Cardinals (previous: 17)
                      Surprised? So am I, but despite 25 fumbles, Arizona lays a strong claim to the elusive NFC West crown.

The Creative Elite ~
       Wielding misfortune at its finest
      
       # 5 - Houston Texans (previous: 12)
                     Baby step, learn to beat Manning and the Colts.

       # 4 - New Orleans Saints (previous: 3)
                     Offense sputtered just enough against the Vikings to merit a one spot drop in the rankings.

       # 3 - Baltimore Ravens (previous: 7)
                     All about the D. Even Flacco saves the game after a bad interception with a great tackle to keep the Jets defense from scoring.

       # 2 - New England Patriots (previous: 9)
                     Under the radar, the Patriots quietly demolish the Bengals and move into first in the AFC East after the loud-mouth Jets stumble.

       # 1 - Green Bay Packers (previous: 5)
                     Grant now out for the season, the rest of the offense better step up and keep firing on all cylinders, otherwise the Pack will be one and done as Misfortune's #1 team.

Week 1 Power Ranking Awards:

The Free Fallers - San Diego Chargers (-20), San Francisco 49ers (-17) and the New York Jets (-15)

The Biggest Movers - Washington Redskins (+15), Tennessee Titans (+14) and the Jacksonville Jaguars (+13)

Maintaining The Status Quo - St. Louis Rams (32) and Cincinnati Bengals (24)

Creative Misfortune Super Bowl XLV Favorite ~ After Week 1

Green Bay Packers

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